By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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