drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize