I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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