i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize