Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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