Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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