There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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