I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
