Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think my vagina is haunted
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
