can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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