are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
