I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
