next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
