Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
