I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize