she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
