Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
