My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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