Whod you bang
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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