I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This is my gift to your gina
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
