Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
