No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
