i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
