I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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