only you would photoshop your dick
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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