i think my tv is drunk
I cannot find my penis.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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