id be glad to
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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