If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
