Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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