how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
