Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
