Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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