There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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