it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
