oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
