When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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