Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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