Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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