I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
