I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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