I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
