How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i think my cat just said my name.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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