In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
