Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
