just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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