im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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