If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
