i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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