you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
