Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he fucked my hip out of place.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
