I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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