some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize