I hate your face
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
