It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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