Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
