I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize