jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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