we made out on top of his cat.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
