We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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