i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
