You smell like stripper and shame
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
