I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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