Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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