I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
