no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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