it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
