he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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