Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
