How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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