I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
