I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Enjoy the penises
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
