Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
