now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
