i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
