Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
