Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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