I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
