you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize